You can not get pregnant if you give a guy a hand job, tissue off your hand, do a bunch of stuff, and eventually end up going to the bathroom and wipe yourself with your formally erotically charged hand – even if you aren’t holding a piece of toilet paper at the time.

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Although you should really wash your hands after giving a guy a hand job. Semen gets sticky as it dries, and that’s really just unpleasant. Not the hand job. Hand jobs are fun and reasonably safe sex. What is unpleasant is failing to clean up the mess afterward… and the thought of people who apparently walk around all day without ever washing their hands (a running theme in the questions I receive.)

_{Explanation for why you can’t get pregnant by touching semen, practicing bad sex hygiene, and eventually going to the bathroom:}

_{For semen to get you pregnant, it has to}

• _{still be wet enough to support the sperm}
• _{get into your vagina and through your cervix so that it can make friends with an egg.}

_{Wiping off your hands with a tissue after sex is almost certainly going to remove most, or all, or the semen and sperm and dry up what’s left. Furthermore, if it didn’t, you’d probably end up wanting to wash your hands because of the sticky/tacky problem.}

_{Even with the most cursory post-hand job cleanup, it’s extraordinarily unlikely that any sperm would still be alive several hours later . It’s even less likely that they would conspire to find their way into your body simply because you wiped yourself with the same hand after you peed.}