You can not get pregnant by setting your clothing on fire.

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In fact, have no idea why someone might think you could get pregnant this way. Maybe they’d been watching too much science fiction and were imagining semen infested smoke curling up from a young man’s soiled pants and entering the womb of his lover?

Hmm… if I sold that plot to the right hentai director I bet I could make millions!

_{Explanation for why I’m bringing this up}

Someone asked me if it was possible to get pregnant by pants burning. I suspect they mean dry humping, which we’ve already covered, but I am not completely certain. I suppose someone could think that “hot” sex involves fire…

If you give someone a blow job, make out with him, and then he goes down on you… it will not make you pregnant.

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I suppose that if you held the semen in your mouth, passed it to his mouth, and then he tried to spit it up into you like a whale shooting water from its blowhole, there might be some chance, but…. you’d really have to work at it.

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_{Explanation for why you can not get pregnant from a chain of oral exchange:}

If a guy comes in your mouth, which has its own risks, you will most likely swallow the semen or spit it out. Then, when you kiss him, most of it will be gone already. When he goes down on you, he will have presumably swallowed at least once. There’s not going to be living sperm in his mouth to get inside of you. Even if you passed your semen to his mouth and he swallowed it you’d be fine.

You can not get pregnant by dry humping through clothes.

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In order for sperm to get anywhere they need moisture and really quite a bit of it. So, is it conceivable that a sperm could make it through four layers of cloth, the folds of the vulva, the vagina, uterus, and fallopian tube to fertilize an egg (presuming there is an egg there to be fertilized)? No.

Two layers of cloth? No.

One layer soaked through because y’all have been having a grand time? Possibly. But it’s extremely unlikely.

What you’re also not going to have happen with clothes-on humping is you’re not going to transmit any of the STI’s that can go from skin to skin. Check out the rest of the site and The Talk for more information on the kinds of STI’s and how they can be transmitted.

Be well, and have fun!

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_{In answer to the question: can you get pregnant if you dry hump your partner and have layers of clothing in between the genitals?}

_{Dry humping (also: frottage) is hot, sexy, super safe fun!}

You can not get pregnant by making out and rolling around on the floor.

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Kissing can cause numerous health problems – the common cold, chapped lips, swine flu, herpes – but there is no way that it can put a bun in your oven. The only buns that get in your body via your mouth are the ones that you chew and swallow.

As for rolling around on the floor… unless that’s a euphemism for “having sex,” you should be fine. Just watch out for splinters and stray penises that are trying to penetrate your inner fortress (by which I mean your vagina.)

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_{Explanation for why you can not get pregnant from a really hot make out session:}

_{Making out may be sexual, it may even be “sex” by some people’s definition, but it does not cause sperm to get anywhere near an egg.}

You can not get pregnant if a guy eats you out.

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Unless, perhaps, he ejaculated, took the semen into his mouth, and then spit it into your vagina like a trained seal.

Therefore, if you see a guy drinking his own semen and then spitting it out in a fountain across the room you should strongly consider whether or not you really want to have oral sex with him.

Of course, if you were practicing safe oral sex, this wouldn’t matter, since it would just hit the barrier, bounce, and he could swallow it himself. I don’t know that I’d want to have sex with anyone who practices being a sperm seal in his spare time, but your mileage may vary.

_{Explanation for why you can not get pregnant by being orally pleasured by a person of either gender:}

_{People’s mouths do not contain sperm. Without sperm, there cannot be pregnancy.}

_{In fact, there is no fluid that comes out of man that can get you pregnant except for his semen. There is no fluid that comes out of a woman that can get you pregnant at all.}

You can not get pregnant if a guy goes to the bathroom, comes back, and touches you.

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Even if that guy peed on his own hands and then he returned to rub his urine covered hands all over your hot naked body.

Even if he clasped your hands in his cold clammy fingers, pleaded his undying love for you, and then you went to masturbate furiously without washing your urine-covered hands first.

On a side note… WASH YOUR HANDS, PEOPLE!!!! Hygiene. Basic hygiene. It is your friend.

_{Explanation for why you can not get pregnant by hanging out with guys who need to empty their bladders on a regular basis:}

_{Any sperm that were still in the urethra when he was peeing would be killed by the pee. (Note: This is not true if you’re fooling around, but is true for actual urination. In other words, a man can not go pee to kill the sperm and then come have sex with you and assume you will not get pregnant. Peeing before sex does not make it safe.)}

_{Furthermore, even if they weren’t killed by the pee the sperm has to get inside your vagina. It can not crawl through your skin.}

_{Sperm is, fortunately, not the creature from Alien.}

You can not get pregnant by drinking sperm

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Semen is like a warm and not particularly tasty high-protein shake.

Drinking it won’t make you pregnant, but it could make you a bit nauseated…. so don’t down a cup of sperm every day before breakfast or you might mistake your queasiness for morning sickness.

_{Explanation for why you can not get pregnant by drinking sperm:}

_{The way to a man’s heart may be through his stomach, but it’s only a metaphorical truth. If you look at the actual anatomy of the body, the heart isn’t actually connected to the stomach…. and neither is the vagina.}

When you drink something you either swallow it, in which case it goes through the digestive track and gets digested or someone scares the crap out of you and you spill it all over yourself. (I am ignoring the third possibility where you inhale instead of swallow and get whatever you’re drinking into your lungs.) In either case… you’re pretty safe from pregnancy

_{It is worth noticing that performing oral sex on a man without using a condom does put you at risk of several STDs – including syphilis, herpes, and gonorrhea. If you’re drinking your semen out of a shot glass… well, you have other problems and I probably can’t help you.}

You can not get pregnant from a cucumber*.

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It doesn’t matter if you eat the cucumber, mash the cucumber up and give yourself a facial, or have really hot sex with the cucumber – vegetables can not get you pregnant.

_{Explanation for why you can not get pregnant with a cucumber:}

_{Cucumbers don’t have sperm. Without sperm, you can not get pregnant.}

For that matter, if a cucumber did have sperm (instead of seeds), it would be cucumber sperm and cucumbers and humans are incapable of cross-breeding. It would take some serious genetic engineering (or a lot of booze…) to make pickled people!

Technically speaking, I suppose that if a man hollowed out a cucumber, jerked off into it so that it was filled with his semen, and then fucked a woman with it, that it is possible that she could get pregnant… but it seems both like an awful lot of trouble and a waste of a perfectly good salad. Plus, it would still be the man getting her pregnant – not the cucumber.

*Someone asked. I swear!

You can not get pregnant by sitting on a toilet that happens to have a condom in it.

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You can not even get pregnant by sitting on a condom directly. If there is semen inside the condom it is inside the condom, and even if some happens to be on the outside the odds of it getting anywhere pregnancy-inducing just by you sitting on it are pretty much nil.

Sitting on a toilet seat… that is above a toilet bowl… that contains a condom… and possibly also is full of the semen that has leaked out of the condom into the toilet water so that the sperm can swim around below you like a massive shiver of sharks waiting for the kill…

… is absolutely no risk at all.

_{Explanation for why you can not get pregnant by peeing above the danger zone:}

_{Unlike dolphins and whales, sperm does not have the ability to leap from the water into your vagina.}

_{Okay. Technically speaking, whales and dolphins also do not have the ability to leap from the water into your vagina either, but they do at least have the ability to leap from the water. Sperm don’t.}

You can not get pregnant if someone pees in your mouth.

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I really hope this isn’t what my mother was thinking about when she used to call me a “potty mouth”

_{Explanation for why you can not get pregnant by imbibing filtered water straight from the pump:}

_{Urine doesn’t have sperm in it. Without sperm, you can not get pregnant.}

Even if urine did have sperm in it you couldn’t get pregnant by drinking it. The stomach is not connected to the uterus. There’s no way for the sperm to get where it needs to go, and even if it did, the sperm would be dead from the stomach acid before it got there.

*I wish I had made this question up, but I didn’t. Someone actually asked.