October 2009 – 101 Ways You Can’t Get Pregnant

For every rule, there is an exception…

Posted on October 28, 2009March 29, 2011 by Elizabeth

Apparently if, after a day of starving* yourself right as you’re ovulating, you give your boyfriend oral sex and then almost immediately get stabbed in the abdomen in such a way that the contents of your stomach merge with your uterus before the stomach acid has a chance to kill the sperm … there may…

PSA: Jumping Jacks Are Not Contraceptives

Posted on October 4, 2009December 29, 2009 by Elizabeth

The Question: “Is it true that you can’t get pregnant if you get up and jump around after sex?” My Answer: No. An Addendum From The Fabulous Erika: Like salmon, sperm are perfectly capable of spawning by swimming upstream. Spelling It Out in Plain English: You can still get pregnant if you jump up and…

Disclaimer

This is a humor site, and, although it is educational, it is not intended to replace the advice of a medical professional. Remember, sex has risks. One such risk is pregnancy, another is becoming infected with a sexually transmitted disease. You should thoroughly educate yourself about the possible consequences of having sex before you go out and jump anyone. Remember, no form of contraception is completely foolproof. The only way to be absolutely certain you will not get pregnant is to abstain from vaginal sex... and artificial insemination... and in vitro fertilization... and you get the drift!

I Am Not A Pregnancy Test

Therefore, I will no longer be answering personal "am I pregnant?" questions on this site.

If you post your questions, I may still use them as a resource for posts, but this was always intended as a humor and educational site and not an advice site, so I will no longer be offering personal reassurance.

That having been said, one last piece of advice: If you think you might be pregnant, the best way to find out is to wait until you miss your period and take a pregnancy test.

Alternatively, if you've had vaginal intercourse without contraception in the past 72 hours, you can explore emergency contraception to try and interrupt the possibility of pregnancy. However, if you haven't had vaginal intercourse, you are unlikely to be pregnant. It's not completely impossible, but it's extremely unlikely.

Before you start having sex, or thinking about having sex, I highly recommend reading a copy of "our bodies, ourselves" or a similar book about your body so that you understand how sex and pregnancy work, and all the possible risks. If you don't know how sex can affect your body, you shouldn't be fooling around with it. Tell your boyfriends and your mothers that too