#69: You can not get pregnant doing a sixty-nine.

February, 2012

Tuesday, February 28th, 2012

#30

You can not get by putting your finger inside your body*.

Other things that you can put inside your body with no risk of pregnancy:

A dildo or vibrator
A pen
A fruit or vegetable
Someone else’s finger
A tongue
Alien artifacts

In fact, the only things that you can put inside your body that carry a risk of causing pregnancy are a penis that is attached to a fertile man or a semen delivery device such as a turkey baster or syringe (… and those things only if they actually have semen inside them.)


Explanation for why you can’t get pregnant by sticking things other than penises into your vagina:

It’s not the vaginal penetration that gets you pregnant, it’s the biological alchemy of sperm meeting egg. In order for someone to get pregnant, sperm need to be present – usually in the form of ejaculated semen.

*Once again, this was a real question.

Friday, February 10th, 2012

#29

You can not get pregnant by humping a pillow with your clothing on*.

You also can not get pregnant by humping a pillow with your clothing off.

In fact, you can not get pregnant by humping any inanimate object, unless it is so coated in still-wet human semen that some can survive long enough to get inside of you.


Explanation for why you can’t get pregnant by humping a pillow – naked or clothed:

Sexual pleasure doesn’t get you pregnant. Orgasm doesn’t get you pregnant. The only thing that can get you pregnant is exposure to living sperm, which have to enter your vagina, swim up through your cervix, and find a viable egg to fertilize. If a sexual activity doesn’t expose you to sperm, it can’t get you pregnant.

Sexual activities that don’t expose you to sperm can still give you STDs, but you’re at no risk from an STD when you’re humping a clean pillowcase, or any other clean object, with your clothes on.

*Yes, this was a real question.

  • Denise: Thanks because I googled this until I made myself ...
  • Elizabeth: This is not something you need to worry about....
  • Denise: Dear Elizabeth, I do not know if you still re...
  • Elizabeth: Yes. You had sex with your boyfriend. That is a wa...
  • janet: i had sex with my boyfriend then i licked his peni...

Disclaimer:

This is a humor site, and, although it is educational, it is not intended to replace the advice of a medical professional. Remember, sex has risks. One such risk is pregnancy, another is becoming infected with a sexually transmitted disease. You should thoroughly educate yourself about the possible consequences of having sex before you go out and jump anyone. Remember, no form of contraception is completely foolproof. The only way to be absolutely certain you will not get pregnant is to abstain from vaginal sex... and artificial insemination... and in vitro fertilization... and you get the drift!

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