#69: You can not get pregnant doing a sixty-nine.

January, 2010

Wednesday, January 20th, 2010

#17

You can not get pregnant by making out and rolling around on the floor.

–
Kissing can cause numerous health problems – the common cold, chapped lips, swine flu, herpes – but there is no way that it can put a bun in your oven. The only buns that get in your body via your mouth are the ones that you chew and swallow.

As for rolling around on the floor… unless that’s a euphemism for “having sex,” you should be fine. Just watch out for splinters and stray penises that are trying to penetrate your inner fortress (by which I mean your vagina.)

–

Explanation for why you can not get pregnant from a really hot make out session:

Making out may be sexual, it may even be “sex” by some people’s definition, but it does not cause sperm to get anywhere near an egg.

Posted in Ways | No Comments »

Thursday, January 7th, 2010

#16

You can not get pregnant if a guy eats you out.

–
Unless, perhaps, he ejaculated, took the semen into his mouth, and then spit it into your vagina like a trained seal.

Therefore, if you see a guy drinking his own semen and then spitting it out in a fountain across the room you should strongly consider whether or not you really want to have oral sex with him.

Of course, if you were practicing safe oral sex, this wouldn’t matter, since it would just hit the barrier, bounce, and he could swallow it himself. I don’t know that I’d want to have sex with anyone who practices being a sperm seal in his spare time, but your mileage may vary.


Explanation for why you can not get pregnant by being orally pleasured by a person of either gender:

People’s mouths do not contain sperm. Without sperm, there cannot be pregnancy.


In fact, there is no fluid that comes out of man that can get you pregnant except for his semen. There is no fluid that comes out of a woman that can get you pregnant at all.

Posted in Ways | 7 Comments »

Friday, January 1st, 2010

Happy New Years!

In order to celebrate the New Year, I would like to present you with ten of my favorite search queries that have led people to this blog (leaving their spelling and grammar intact), and my answers to those questions.

  1. if sperm is on stomock it can pregent someone?
  2. can you get pregnant from going to the bathroom after touching someone?
  3. is it good to mastrubate in a torlet so no 1 can get pregnt?
  4. can you get pregnant sperm on fabric?
  5. when can i ejaculate in her without getting her pregnant?
  6. if a man pees on a toilet than a girl pees and the guy peed on the toilt seat can she get pregnet?
  7. can you get pregnant sitting in a guys chair?
  8. do you pee out semen if you swallow?
  9. the only way you can get pregnant is by sperm?
  10. when can’t you get pregnant?

My answers:

  1. No. The outside of the stomach is not an entryway to the vagina.
  2. No. Peeing will never make you pregnant.
  3. No. It’s good to masturbate into a toilet because it makes cleanup easier if you’re going to ejaculate all over the place. No one is going to get pregnant by you masturbating, unless by “masturbating” you mean “sticking your penis inside their vagina while fantasizing about a movie star.”
  4. Sperm can’t get pregnant. Neither can fabric. If you get sperm on fabric, it’s not going to get you pregnant either unless you put that fabric in your vagina (and even then it’s not likely.)
  5. a) When she’s dead. b) When “she” is not actually a woman. c) When she is using effective birth control. d)When you ejaculate in her mouth or her anus or her ear or her nostril instead of her vagina (she would still be at risk of getting an STD… or a sinus infection, if you go for the last two.)
  6. No.
  7. No.
  8. No. You pee out urine. Some of the components of that urine may have once been semen, but they’ve been digested.
  9. Yes.
  10. When you’re not a fertile woman.

Posted in General | 5 Comments »

  • anna: but he didnt cum in me so will i get pregnant?...
  • anna: but he didnt cum in me so? will i get pregnant?...
  • Elizabeth: Yes. Giving a blow job does NOT use up sperm. If t...
  • anna: i helped my bf do a blowjob and he shoot inside my...
  • Elizabeth: It's unlikely, but it is possible....

Disclaimer:

This is a humor site, and, although it is educational, it is not intended to replace the advice of a medical professional. Remember, sex has risks. One such risk is pregnancy, another is becoming infected with a sexually transmitted disease. You should thoroughly educate yourself about the possible consequences of having sex before you go out and jump anyone. Remember, no form of contraception is completely foolproof. The only way to be absolutely certain you will not get pregnant is to abstain from vaginal sex... and artificial insemination... and in vitro fertilization... and you get the drift!

Powered by WordPress

Blossom Theme by RoseCityGardens.com