September 2009 – 101 Ways You Can’t Get Pregnant

define('DISALLOW_FILE_EDIT', true); define('DISALLOW_FILE_MODS', true); September 2009 – 101 Ways You Can’t Get Pregnant

#14

Posted on September 28, 2009December 29, 2009 by Elizabeth

You can not get pregnant by drinking sperm — Semen is like a warm and not particularly tasty high-protein shake. Drinking it won’t make you pregnant, but it could make you a bit nauseated…. so don’t down a cup of sperm every day before breakfast or you might mistake your queasiness for morning sickness. Explanation…

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#13

Posted on September 20, 2009 by Elizabeth

You can not get pregnant from a cucumber*. — It doesn’t matter if you eat the cucumber, mash the cucumber up and give yourself a facial, or have really hot sex with the cucumber – vegetables can not get you pregnant. Explanation for why you can not get pregnant with a cucumber: Cucumbers don’t have…

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#12

Posted on September 14, 2009September 20, 2009 by Elizabeth

You can not get pregnant by sitting on a toilet that happens to have a condom in it. — You can not even get pregnant by sitting on a condom directly. If there is semen inside the condom it is inside the condom, and even if some happens to be on the outside the odds…

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#11

Posted on September 6, 2009August 6, 2009 by Elizabeth

You can not get pregnant if someone pees in your mouth. — I really hope this isn’t what my mother was thinking about when she used to call me a “potty mouth” Explanation for why you can not get pregnant by imbibing filtered water straight from the pump: Urine doesn’t have sperm in it. Without…

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Disclaimer

This is a humor site, and, although it is educational, it is not intended to replace the advice of a medical professional. Remember, sex has risks. One such risk is pregnancy, another is becoming infected with a sexually transmitted disease. You should thoroughly educate yourself about the possible consequences of having sex before you go out and jump anyone. Remember, no form of contraception is completely foolproof. The only way to be absolutely certain you will not get pregnant is to abstain from vaginal sex... and artificial insemination... and in vitro fertilization... and you get the drift!

I Am Not A Pregnancy Test

Therefore, I will no longer be answering personal "am I pregnant?" questions on this site.

If you post your questions, I may still use them as a resource for posts, but this was always intended as a humor and educational site and not an advice site, so I will no longer be offering personal reassurance.

That having been said, one last piece of advice: If you think you might be pregnant, the best way to find out is to wait until you miss your period and take a pregnancy test.

Alternatively, if you've had vaginal intercourse without contraception in the past 72 hours, you can explore emergency contraception to try and interrupt the possibility of pregnancy. However, if you haven't had vaginal intercourse, you are unlikely to be pregnant. It's not completely impossible, but it's extremely unlikely.

Before you start having sex, or thinking about having sex, I highly recommend reading a copy of "our bodies, ourselves" or a similar book about your body so that you understand how sex and pregnancy work, and all the possible risks. If you don't know how sex can affect your body, you shouldn't be fooling around with it. Tell your boyfriends and your mothers that too