You can not get pregnant from taking a shower with a man.

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Taking a bath, or a shower, together is quite literally “Good, Clean Fun.”

Having sex in the shower or bath, however, is another thing entirely…

_{Explanation for why you can not get pregnant by going scrub a dub dub with a man in the tub:}

_{Being wet and naked with a man is not a risk for pregnancy since it doesn’t actually involve his sperm getting near your eggs. Well, unless being all soapy and scrubby makes you jump each others bones. You can get pregnant by having sex in a shower or bath. Just because there’s water on the outside doesn’t mean there can’t be insemination on the inside.}

You can not get pregnant by picking up a condom.

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You can grab it with your toes…

You can sniff it up with your nose…

You can pinch it with your fingers…

You can squeeze it like a wringer…

But unless you are picking up that condom with your vagina there’s no chance it’s going to get you pregnant*.

_{Explanation for why you can not get pregnant by cleaning up after the people who inexplicably leave condoms in public places:}

_{There is no way for sperm to get into your body through your hands and travel to your uterus. Picking up used condoms is not going to get you pregnant. It could, however, conceivably infect you with a disease, particularly if the condom is still wet. If it’s your partner’s condom, wash your hands well after throwing it away. If it’s a stranger’s condom… it might be best to leave it alone unless you have a convenient pair of gloves or can grasp it from the other side of a plastic bag – and you’ll want to do a good hand wash after.}

*More power to you, if you can, but for most people the vagina isn’t a useful grasping instrument. Things have to be inserted first for it to hold onto.

You can not get pregnant by getting sperm on your jeans.

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Even if those jeans are so tight that elderly women can tell from three blocks away that you’re not wearing underwear.

What you actually need to be worried about is getting sperm in your genes…

_{Explanation for why you can not get pregnant by making a bad fashion choice:}

_{There is no way for the sperm on your jeans to get into your vagina, climb up through your cervix, and fertilize a fashion-forward egg. In fact, although the moisture from the semen might seep through the fabric of your jeans to get onto your skin, it’s not even terribly likely that the sperm would go with it. There’s a far better chance that the whole mess would dry into a nice crusty stain. Don’t worry though. Even if the dried semen gets onto your underwear while you’re washing it, you still won’t get pregnant.}