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101 Ways You Can’t Get Pregnant

And One Or Two Ways You Actually Can

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Month: April 2011

Are There Ways To Find Out if I’m Pregnant?

Posted on April 4, 2011August 22, 2022 by Elizabeth

To answer this question, which I receive with some regularity, I have prepared the following two lists:

Ten Ways You CAN NOT Find Out If You’re Pregnant

  1. Ask the Internet
  2. Ask your friends
  3. Ask your parents
  4. Ask a psychic
  5. Wait to see if your period is one or two days late
  6. Pee on a stick (see exception below)
  7. Pee on a rabbit
  8. Do anything else to a rabbit
  9. Flip a coin
  10. Have a Pap smear

Ten Ways You CAN Find Out That You’re Pregnant

  1. Pee on a stick that is a pregnancy test*
  2. Pee in a cup then use your urine for a home pregnancy test
  3. Pee in a cup at a doctor’s office, which they will test for pregnancy
  4. Give blood to your doctor so she can test for pregnancy
  5. Give blood to a nurse so your doctor can test for pregnancy
  6. Give blood to a nurse so she can test for pregnancy
  7. Have a medical emergency, and get tested for pregnancy at the ER
  8. Need an X-Ray and be unable to remember your last period, thus prompting your doctor to test you for pregnancy.
  9. Have an ultrasound when you feel something kicking in your abdomen
  10. Wait to see if a baby pops out of your vagina in approximately 40 weeks

*Note: Read the instructions on the test box. It takes several days/weeks before these tests will be able to determine if an act of unprotected sex has rendered you pregnant. You can not take them the next day. You can, however, take emergency contraception – and you should if you’ve had unprotected sex and do not want to get pregnant.

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Disclaimer

This is a humor site, and, although it is educational, it is not intended to replace the advice of a medical professional. Remember, sex has risks. One such risk is pregnancy, another is becoming infected with a sexually transmitted disease. You should thoroughly educate yourself about the possible consequences of having sex before you go out and jump anyone. Remember, no form of contraception is completely foolproof. The only way to be absolutely certain you will not get pregnant is to abstain from vaginal sex... and artificial insemination... and in vitro fertilization... and you get the drift!

I Am Not A Pregnancy Test

Therefore, I will no longer be answering personal "am I pregnant?" questions on this site.

If you post your questions, I may still use them as a resource for posts, but this was always intended as a humor and educational site and not an advice site, so I will no longer be offering personal reassurance.

That having been said, one last piece of advice: If you think you might be pregnant, the best way to find out is to wait until you miss your period and take a pregnancy test.

Alternatively, if you've had vaginal intercourse without contraception in the past 72 hours, you can explore emergency contraception to try and interrupt the possibility of pregnancy. However, if you haven't had vaginal intercourse, you are unlikely to be pregnant. It's not completely impossible, but it's extremely unlikely.

Before you start having sex, or thinking about having sex, I highly recommend reading a copy of "our bodies, ourselves" or a similar book about your body so that you understand how sex and pregnancy work, and all the possible risks. If you don't know how sex can affect your body, you shouldn't be fooling around with it. Tell your boyfriends and your mothers that too

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