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101 Ways You Can’t Get Pregnant

And One Or Two Ways You Actually Can

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#1

Posted on March 4, 2009November 5, 2009 by Elizabeth

You can not get pregnant if your partner has been using a condom correctly, it doesn’t break, and you’re on the pill.

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The sheer impossibility of it is kind of fun to picture. Imagine, if you will, a bunch of sperm banging their fists on the glass window of a really hip (get it?) bar. They’re guys! All they want to do is have some fun and meet some nice eggs, only they can’t seem to get through the door. The best part is the irony of the whole thing. Even if they could get in, they wouldn’t meet any hot eggs. They all stayed home to do their nails and watch reruns of Sex in the City.

Explanation for why you can not get pregnant if you have sex with an intact condom when you’re on the pill:

  1. The pill, assuming you’re taking it properly, and have been on it long enough, is preventing you from ovulating. Therefore, there is no egg around for the sperm to fertilize and make an embryo.
  2. Even if there were an egg, the sperm have to get into your body… they can’t do that from inside a condom.

1 thought on “#1”

  1. kathleen says:
    November 5, 2009 at 6:16 pm

    This is not always the case. I got pregnant with my daughter while using a condom and birth control pill. At the time I had only been taking the pill for a little over a month and even with the use of a condom we still got pregnant.

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Disclaimer

This is a humor site, and, although it is educational, it is not intended to replace the advice of a medical professional. Remember, sex has risks. One such risk is pregnancy, another is becoming infected with a sexually transmitted disease. You should thoroughly educate yourself about the possible consequences of having sex before you go out and jump anyone. Remember, no form of contraception is completely foolproof. The only way to be absolutely certain you will not get pregnant is to abstain from vaginal sex... and artificial insemination... and in vitro fertilization... and you get the drift!

I Am Not A Pregnancy Test

Therefore, I will no longer be answering personal "am I pregnant?" questions on this site.

If you post your questions, I may still use them as a resource for posts, but this was always intended as a humor and educational site and not an advice site, so I will no longer be offering personal reassurance.

That having been said, one last piece of advice: If you think you might be pregnant, the best way to find out is to wait until you miss your period and take a pregnancy test.

Alternatively, if you've had vaginal intercourse without contraception in the past 72 hours, you can explore emergency contraception to try and interrupt the possibility of pregnancy. However, if you haven't had vaginal intercourse, you are unlikely to be pregnant. It's not completely impossible, but it's extremely unlikely.

Before you start having sex, or thinking about having sex, I highly recommend reading a copy of "our bodies, ourselves" or a similar book about your body so that you understand how sex and pregnancy work, and all the possible risks. If you don't know how sex can affect your body, you shouldn't be fooling around with it. Tell your boyfriends and your mothers that too

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