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101 Ways You Can’t Get Pregnant

And One Or Two Ways You Actually Can

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#2

Posted on March 7, 2009March 11, 2009 by Elizabeth

You can not get pregnant from sitting on a toilet seat.

—
… unless there is a man underneath you on that toilet seat and you are having sex with him – vaginal intercourse, to be precise, where there are no condoms or other forms of birth control in use.

Personally, I think there are far more hygienic places to have sex than on a toilet seat, but if you’re going to do it… at least use protection. A good seat cover can save you a world of mess. (What? did you think I meant condoms? You should probably use those too.)


Explanation for why you can not get pregnant by sitting on a toilet seat:

  1. The sperm has to get inside you, swim up through your cervix, and find a nice egg to cuddle up to. Unless you have installed an industrial strength vacuum cleaner in your uterus, it’s just not going to happen. The vagina is not designed to suck random objects up off the floor… or a toilet seat.

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Disclaimer

This is a humor site, and, although it is educational, it is not intended to replace the advice of a medical professional. Remember, sex has risks. One such risk is pregnancy, another is becoming infected with a sexually transmitted disease. You should thoroughly educate yourself about the possible consequences of having sex before you go out and jump anyone. Remember, no form of contraception is completely foolproof. The only way to be absolutely certain you will not get pregnant is to abstain from vaginal sex... and artificial insemination... and in vitro fertilization... and you get the drift!

I Am Not A Pregnancy Test

Therefore, I will no longer be answering personal "am I pregnant?" questions on this site.

If you post your questions, I may still use them as a resource for posts, but this was always intended as a humor and educational site and not an advice site, so I will no longer be offering personal reassurance.

That having been said, one last piece of advice: If you think you might be pregnant, the best way to find out is to wait until you miss your period and take a pregnancy test.

Alternatively, if you've had vaginal intercourse without contraception in the past 72 hours, you can explore emergency contraception to try and interrupt the possibility of pregnancy. However, if you haven't had vaginal intercourse, you are unlikely to be pregnant. It's not completely impossible, but it's extremely unlikely.

Before you start having sex, or thinking about having sex, I highly recommend reading a copy of "our bodies, ourselves" or a similar book about your body so that you understand how sex and pregnancy work, and all the possible risks. If you don't know how sex can affect your body, you shouldn't be fooling around with it. Tell your boyfriends and your mothers that too

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#69: You can not get pregnant doing a sixty-nine.

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