In order to celebrate the New Year, I would like to present you with ten of my favorite search queries that have led people to this blog (leaving their spelling and grammar intact), and my answers to those questions.

1. if sperm is on stomock it can pregent someone?
2. can you get pregnant from going to the bathroom after touching someone?
3. is it good to mastrubate in a torlet so no 1 can get pregnt?
4. can you get pregnant sperm on fabric?
5. when can i ejaculate in her without getting her pregnant?
6. if a man pees on a toilet than a girl pees and the guy peed on the toilt seat can she get pregnet?
7. can you get pregnant sitting in a guys chair?
8. do you pee out semen if you swallow?
9. the only way you can get pregnant is by sperm?
10. when can’t you get pregnant?

My answers:

1. No. The outside of the stomach is not an entryway to the vagina.
2. No. Peeing will never make you pregnant.
3. No. It’s good to masturbate into a toilet because it makes cleanup easier if you’re going to ejaculate all over the place. No one is going to get pregnant by you masturbating, unless by “masturbating” you mean “sticking your penis inside their vagina while fantasizing about a movie star.”
4. Sperm can’t get pregnant. Neither can fabric. If you get sperm on fabric, it’s not going to get you pregnant either unless you put that fabric in your vagina (and even then it’s not likely.)
5. a) When she’s dead. b) When “she” is not actually a woman. c) When she is using effective birth control. d)When you ejaculate in her mouth or her anus or her ear or her nostril instead of her vagina (she would still be at risk of getting an STD… or a sinus infection, if you go for the last two.)
6. No.
7. No.
8. No. You pee out urine. Some of the components of that urine may have once been semen, but they’ve been digested.
9. Yes.
10. When you’re not a fertile woman.