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101 Ways You Can’t Get Pregnant

And One Or Two Ways You Actually Can

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#16

Posted on January 7, 2010December 29, 2009 by Elizabeth

You can not get pregnant if a guy eats you out.

—
Unless, perhaps, he ejaculated, took the semen into his mouth, and then spit it into your vagina like a trained seal.

Therefore, if you see a guy drinking his own semen and then spitting it out in a fountain across the room you should strongly consider whether or not you really want to have oral sex with him.

Of course, if you were practicing safe oral sex, this wouldn’t matter, since it would just hit the barrier, bounce, and he could swallow it himself. I don’t know that I’d want to have sex with anyone who practices being a sperm seal in his spare time, but your mileage may vary.


Explanation for why you can not get pregnant by being orally pleasured by a person of either gender:

People’s mouths do not contain sperm. Without sperm, there cannot be pregnancy.


In fact, there is no fluid that comes out of man that can get you pregnant except for his semen. There is no fluid that comes out of a woman that can get you pregnant at all.

9 thoughts on “#16”

  1. confused says:
    June 18, 2010 at 1:11 pm

    If you get a blow job then make out afterwards, then eat her out. is there a possibility she might get pregnant?

    however i did not cum in her mouth, maybe jus precum

  2. Elizabeth says:
    June 18, 2010 at 2:48 pm

    The chain of events that would have to transpire for someone to get pregnant that way is so unlikely, and disgusting, that I feel safe in saying… no. You’d pretty much have to be spitting semen into her body, and realistically speaking one of you would have swallowed before that could actually happen.

  3. Dax says:
    June 25, 2010 at 6:48 am

    i shall describe you my situation…
    well…i oraly satisfied my girlfriend…and i inserted my finger into her.
    preejaculate or ejaculate didnt come out…because my penis was in my jeans.
    i know that she cant get pregnant without the sperm…but a little worm in my head keeps saying ‘What IF…what IF’…so i wanted to ask you…is it possible to get pregnant that way.

    thank you. (:

  4. Elizabeth says:
    June 25, 2010 at 8:07 am

    Take that little worm, put it out on a hot sidewalk in the summer sun, and leave it to die. Go with your intellect – no sperm, no pregnancy – and last time I checked people neither have sperm coming out of their fingers nor their tongues.

  5. Dax says:
    June 25, 2010 at 9:42 am

    ah thank you very much. i feel much better now (:

  6. Ester says:
    October 2, 2010 at 12:05 pm

    Can i be pregnant if i gave my boy friend a blow job then he cums in my mouth, then i spit the semen on a tissue paper, then we make out afterward (I intentionally put my saliva on my partner), then he ate me out… would I get pregnant?… would the sperm die if it was mixed with saliva?

  7. Natalia says:
    February 1, 2011 at 7:27 am

    Ah, Elizabeth.
    I absolutely love this blog of yours.
    Gives a good laugh and I can feel my brain cells making babies right now 😉

  8. Tbabysmurff says:
    April 3, 2012 at 10:33 pm

    Hi , just wondering if my boyfriend ate me out and a lot of salivia(spit) went into my vagina could I then get pregnant?

  9. Elizabeth says:
    April 4, 2012 at 9:41 am

    Already Answered

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Disclaimer

This is a humor site, and, although it is educational, it is not intended to replace the advice of a medical professional. Remember, sex has risks. One such risk is pregnancy, another is becoming infected with a sexually transmitted disease. You should thoroughly educate yourself about the possible consequences of having sex before you go out and jump anyone. Remember, no form of contraception is completely foolproof. The only way to be absolutely certain you will not get pregnant is to abstain from vaginal sex... and artificial insemination... and in vitro fertilization... and you get the drift!

I Am Not A Pregnancy Test

Therefore, I will no longer be answering personal "am I pregnant?" questions on this site.

If you post your questions, I may still use them as a resource for posts, but this was always intended as a humor and educational site and not an advice site, so I will no longer be offering personal reassurance.

That having been said, one last piece of advice: If you think you might be pregnant, the best way to find out is to wait until you miss your period and take a pregnancy test.

Alternatively, if you've had vaginal intercourse without contraception in the past 72 hours, you can explore emergency contraception to try and interrupt the possibility of pregnancy. However, if you haven't had vaginal intercourse, you are unlikely to be pregnant. It's not completely impossible, but it's extremely unlikely.

Before you start having sex, or thinking about having sex, I highly recommend reading a copy of "our bodies, ourselves" or a similar book about your body so that you understand how sex and pregnancy work, and all the possible risks. If you don't know how sex can affect your body, you shouldn't be fooling around with it. Tell your boyfriends and your mothers that too

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