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101 Ways You Can’t Get Pregnant

And One Or Two Ways You Actually Can

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#23

Posted on August 9, 2010November 18, 2010 by Elizabeth

You can not get pregnant from petting a dog that may or may not have had the misfortune of lying in a bed covered with your brother’s ejaculate*.

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You also can not get pregnant petting a cat that may have been covered in semen… or a gerbil… or a fish.

Even if you go to the bathroom and wipe yourself afterward while you’re still covered in fish scales.

Even if by “pet” you mean that the animal in question curled up between your legs while you were lying there naked and you rubbed yourself all over it.

Um.

That was not your mother’s LOLcat

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Explanation for why you can’t get pregnant by petting your pussy

Sperm has to be alive to get you pregnant. Furthermore, it has to get inside your vagina, up through your cervix, and have a party with an egg.

If a dog or cat was soaked in enough semen to get your hand wet, you’d still have to shove it up inside your body and get really unlucky – you’re not going to get pregnant just by sperm touching your skin

That having been said, I can only hope that if your pet was covered with a strange slimy substance when you were petting it, you’d wash your hands before sticking your fingers inside your vagina. God knows I would. Semen would be the least of my worries.

*Yes. Someone asked. You can see the comment here

2 thoughts on “#23”

  1. Confused. says:
    August 11, 2010 at 4:32 am

    I went to my boyfriends house about a month ago, and as I remeber I was on my last day of my pierod, and we started doing things and I ended up giving him a hand job. I don’t remeber if he ‘cam’ or not, but I do remeber that I didn’t was my hands before I went to the bathroom and I wiped myself with the same hand. As of a couple weeks ago my nipple have became very senitve and from what I can see my boobs are getting bigger. could I be prego? Please help.

  2. Confused. says:
    August 11, 2010 at 4:37 am

    Sorry, That was my husband. But this happend to our daughter. is she?

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Disclaimer

This is a humor site, and, although it is educational, it is not intended to replace the advice of a medical professional. Remember, sex has risks. One such risk is pregnancy, another is becoming infected with a sexually transmitted disease. You should thoroughly educate yourself about the possible consequences of having sex before you go out and jump anyone. Remember, no form of contraception is completely foolproof. The only way to be absolutely certain you will not get pregnant is to abstain from vaginal sex... and artificial insemination... and in vitro fertilization... and you get the drift!

I Am Not A Pregnancy Test

Therefore, I will no longer be answering personal "am I pregnant?" questions on this site.

If you post your questions, I may still use them as a resource for posts, but this was always intended as a humor and educational site and not an advice site, so I will no longer be offering personal reassurance.

That having been said, one last piece of advice: If you think you might be pregnant, the best way to find out is to wait until you miss your period and take a pregnancy test.

Alternatively, if you've had vaginal intercourse without contraception in the past 72 hours, you can explore emergency contraception to try and interrupt the possibility of pregnancy. However, if you haven't had vaginal intercourse, you are unlikely to be pregnant. It's not completely impossible, but it's extremely unlikely.

Before you start having sex, or thinking about having sex, I highly recommend reading a copy of "our bodies, ourselves" or a similar book about your body so that you understand how sex and pregnancy work, and all the possible risks. If you don't know how sex can affect your body, you shouldn't be fooling around with it. Tell your boyfriends and your mothers that too

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