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101 Ways You Can’t Get Pregnant

And One Or Two Ways You Actually Can

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#24

Posted on November 11, 2010February 13, 2012 by Elizabeth

If a man has ejaculated on the floor of a shower, and then you go take a shower and sit on the floor, you’re not going to get pregnant.

—

Drains are not the Super Sekrit entrance to your vagina. When the semen slowly swirls down the pipes into the sewer system, it does not do a whole chutes and ladders thing to come back and fertilize you later.

Semen that has gone down the shower drain also doesn’t grow up into giant sperm that haunt the sewers and later attack by climbing up through the toilet. That only happens with alligators.



Explanation for why you can’t get pregnant by sitting on a shower floor where semen once was:

In order to think there was some possibility of pregnancy from sitting down in the shower, you’d have to assume that the semen was still sitting on the floor and hadn’t been washed down the drain.

Then you’d have to assume that the sperm hadn’t been killed by exposure to soap and other things that sperm don’t generally do all that well in.

THEN you’d have to figure out some way for them to climb up into the potential space that is your vagina – which is not actually a gaping hole waiting to vacuum up any potential sources of impregnation – and from there through your cervix to where an egg happened to be waiting to be fertilized.

It’s really not worth worrying your pretty, clean little head about. There are many nasty things that can live on a shower floor, but they’re not going to leave you carrying any new lifeform that isn’t microscopic.

2 thoughts on “#24”

  1. Samantha Ruiz says:
    November 12, 2010 at 11:11 pm

    Can you get pregnant if a guy fingers you with your underwear on but he had sperm on his finger?

  2. MAN says:
    April 4, 2011 at 6:54 am

    can you get pregnant, if a boy shoots on top of your body and then you go to toilet to wash up. and some of the sperm touches your vagina?is there a way for me to find out wether im pregnant or not?

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Disclaimer

This is a humor site, and, although it is educational, it is not intended to replace the advice of a medical professional. Remember, sex has risks. One such risk is pregnancy, another is becoming infected with a sexually transmitted disease. You should thoroughly educate yourself about the possible consequences of having sex before you go out and jump anyone. Remember, no form of contraception is completely foolproof. The only way to be absolutely certain you will not get pregnant is to abstain from vaginal sex... and artificial insemination... and in vitro fertilization... and you get the drift!

I Am Not A Pregnancy Test

Therefore, I will no longer be answering personal "am I pregnant?" questions on this site.

If you post your questions, I may still use them as a resource for posts, but this was always intended as a humor and educational site and not an advice site, so I will no longer be offering personal reassurance.

That having been said, one last piece of advice: If you think you might be pregnant, the best way to find out is to wait until you miss your period and take a pregnancy test.

Alternatively, if you've had vaginal intercourse without contraception in the past 72 hours, you can explore emergency contraception to try and interrupt the possibility of pregnancy. However, if you haven't had vaginal intercourse, you are unlikely to be pregnant. It's not completely impossible, but it's extremely unlikely.

Before you start having sex, or thinking about having sex, I highly recommend reading a copy of "our bodies, ourselves" or a similar book about your body so that you understand how sex and pregnancy work, and all the possible risks. If you don't know how sex can affect your body, you shouldn't be fooling around with it. Tell your boyfriends and your mothers that too

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