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101 Ways You Can’t Get Pregnant

And One Or Two Ways You Actually Can

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#26

Posted on January 22, 2011January 23, 2011 by Elizabeth

You can not get pregnant by masturbating.

—

You can not even get pregnant by masturbating someone else.

More importantly, if someone gives you a pregnancy test there is absolutely no way for them to know if you have been masturbating. Pregnancy tests are not masturbation detectors. Pregnancy tests are pregnancy detectors.

People can also not tell if you were masturbating by looking for hair on your palms. They might, however, be able to tell if you don’t wash the items you masturbate with so, if you are concerned about people knowing you masturbate, soap and water are your friends. So is doing your own laundry.

That said, although some people are uncomfortable about the fact that they masturbate, masturbation shouldn’t be a source of shame. It’s fun, it improves your sex life, and it can make it easier to get a good night’s sleep. Plus, if you have a high sex drive, masturbation can help keep you from making poor sexual decisions (that could get you pregnant) with someone else.


Explanation for why you can’t get pregnant by masturbating:

Getting pregnant requires sperm to reach a fertilized egg inside your body. Masturbating doesn’t provide the sperm. Alternatively, masturbating someone else doesn’t provide the egg (or the inside of your body.) From the perspective of pregnancy, masturbation is entirely safe sex.

This was written in response to a question asking if masturbation will make a pregnancy test turn positive.

11 thoughts on “#26”

  1. eon says:
    January 23, 2011 at 3:10 am

    What if you masturbated a guy then masturbated yourself

  2. Elizabeth says:
    January 23, 2011 at 11:23 am

    If you masturbated a guy and then, without washing or wiping off your hands, masturbated yourself with your semen covered hands… it’s not impossible. Not terribly likely, perhaps, unless you were inserting semen covered fingers inside your body, but not impossible. Yet another reason for basic hygiene! The issue, as always, is of sperm getting inside your vagina, up through your cervix, and finding a fertilizable egg.

  3. Revlon says:
    February 19, 2011 at 10:24 pm

    I am worried that i will get pregnant, cause a guy was humping on me without wearing anything but his penis was really hard and so ready to cum, and i was just wearing a really thin underpants. And when he stopped, i realized theres something wet in bed, even my feet touched too, i think his cum. i tried to smell it, it can be smell like perm or other stuff but i didnt have anything come out and i couldnt feel if its sticky or not. but he was humping on me on my vagina area, what if its really sperm would i get pregnant from that?

    And one more tihng is, other i used my finger to touched the cum like tihng, andi went to pee and hld the napkins and clean my butt with the same hand, would i get pregnant from that too?

  4. Phoebe says:
    March 6, 2011 at 3:15 pm

    Is there any possibility you could get pregnant through your boyfriend’s penis brushing against your vagina (not even the vulva area, just the outside of your vagina) for about two seconds? Even if you didn’t feel anything wet?

  5. Chloe says:
    April 10, 2011 at 8:51 pm

    Hello. My boyfriend and I were making out under the covers. I had my pants off (and panties), he had his jeans on but his penis was out. I wanted him to rub his penis on my clit before he ejaculates (He always ejaculates into his pants when he wants an orgasim) So first he takes his penis and pushes it into my butthole and then moves it to the top of my clit and rubs it there for like a second. Then I wanted him to leave his penis in between my thies but up against my vagina/clit area but not in the vagina hole. I was getting really wet and I was moving side-to-side on his penis. He didn’t ejaculate but he then took his penis away and put it into his pants and then he masterbated. Then, he wanted to “try” to finger me. He only poked my hole and I told him to stop because it hurt really bad. Is there any way I could be pregnant if my boyfriend happen to touch some semen and tried to poke my vagina hole? I don’t think he even touched his penis but Im really worried and Im supposed to be starting my period soon but he is sure that I am not preganant since his penis and cum never went inside of me, just around my clit.

  6. Maddie says:
    April 21, 2011 at 1:46 am

    It was like two weeks off my period, and me and my bf “did it”, and he “came” in me, but I just had my period. I have been having some pains in my stomach and peeing more than regular. Could I be pregnant if it was two weeks after my period?

    Also, what would the pains be, my insides moving up?

  7. Elizabeth says:
    April 26, 2011 at 10:28 am

    It’s not impossible to get your period and still be pregnant, and two weeks off your period is a time when you are likely to be fertile. That said, it’s far more likely that the pain is caused by something unrelated to pregnancy – such as an infection. Still, you should take a pregnancy test and, if the pain continues, talk to your doctor.

  8. Alex says:
    July 24, 2011 at 2:23 am

    So I masturbated and I only touched around my clit and in my hole once, I washed myhands before I did it.. Could I still get prego?

  9. storm says:
    October 13, 2011 at 6:36 am

    i just want to ask that if you are masterbating urself and fingering urself alone (no boys) would you still get pregnent

  10. Amelia says:
    October 16, 2011 at 8:32 pm

    Is it possible to get pregnant from masturbating without washing your hands? I never actually did that but I masturbated through my panties without washing my hands, and once I touched my vagina in the shower right as I got in so I hadn’t cleaned my hands yet so, is there a possible way to get pregnant from any of these? I know it’s stupid but I have anxiety issues and even though I know how highly unlikely it is, and what a weird question it happens to be, it still scares me. Thank you!

  11. Elizabeth says:
    October 20, 2011 at 7:21 pm

    You can not get pregnant without sperm.

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Disclaimer

This is a humor site, and, although it is educational, it is not intended to replace the advice of a medical professional. Remember, sex has risks. One such risk is pregnancy, another is becoming infected with a sexually transmitted disease. You should thoroughly educate yourself about the possible consequences of having sex before you go out and jump anyone. Remember, no form of contraception is completely foolproof. The only way to be absolutely certain you will not get pregnant is to abstain from vaginal sex... and artificial insemination... and in vitro fertilization... and you get the drift!

I Am Not A Pregnancy Test

Therefore, I will no longer be answering personal "am I pregnant?" questions on this site.

If you post your questions, I may still use them as a resource for posts, but this was always intended as a humor and educational site and not an advice site, so I will no longer be offering personal reassurance.

That having been said, one last piece of advice: If you think you might be pregnant, the best way to find out is to wait until you miss your period and take a pregnancy test.

Alternatively, if you've had vaginal intercourse without contraception in the past 72 hours, you can explore emergency contraception to try and interrupt the possibility of pregnancy. However, if you haven't had vaginal intercourse, you are unlikely to be pregnant. It's not completely impossible, but it's extremely unlikely.

Before you start having sex, or thinking about having sex, I highly recommend reading a copy of "our bodies, ourselves" or a similar book about your body so that you understand how sex and pregnancy work, and all the possible risks. If you don't know how sex can affect your body, you shouldn't be fooling around with it. Tell your boyfriends and your mothers that too

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