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101 Ways You Can’t Get Pregnant

And One Or Two Ways You Actually Can

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#27

Posted on June 20, 2011 by Elizabeth

You can not get pregnant by swallowing someone else’s saliva.

—

You could drink saliva by the gallon and while it might make you nauseated in a way that, theoretically, could simulate morning sickness, it would not make you pregnant.

For the record: the simulation of morning sickness would be more accurate if you drank the gallons of saliva every day. Most people get morning sick on a regular basis, not just once.

That said, if you had access to gallons of saliva to drink as part of your regular morning routine, I would be concerned that you were part of a vast criminal conspiracy that enticed men to drool into cups by showing them pictures of scantily clad women.

And for the record, even if those cups were held lower down, you couldn’t get pregnant by drinking that bodily fluid either, unless something absolutely extraordinary were to occur.


Explanation for why you can’t get pregnant by drinking saliva:

There are no sperm in saliva. I repeat. There are no sperm in saliva. Since you can not get pregnant without sperm, there is no way for saliva to make you pregnant.

In addition, even if there were sperm in the saliva you were swallowing, there would be no way for it to get from your stomach to your uterus.

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Disclaimer

This is a humor site, and, although it is educational, it is not intended to replace the advice of a medical professional. Remember, sex has risks. One such risk is pregnancy, another is becoming infected with a sexually transmitted disease. You should thoroughly educate yourself about the possible consequences of having sex before you go out and jump anyone. Remember, no form of contraception is completely foolproof. The only way to be absolutely certain you will not get pregnant is to abstain from vaginal sex... and artificial insemination... and in vitro fertilization... and you get the drift!

I Am Not A Pregnancy Test

Therefore, I will no longer be answering personal "am I pregnant?" questions on this site.

If you post your questions, I may still use them as a resource for posts, but this was always intended as a humor and educational site and not an advice site, so I will no longer be offering personal reassurance.

That having been said, one last piece of advice: If you think you might be pregnant, the best way to find out is to wait until you miss your period and take a pregnancy test.

Alternatively, if you've had vaginal intercourse without contraception in the past 72 hours, you can explore emergency contraception to try and interrupt the possibility of pregnancy. However, if you haven't had vaginal intercourse, you are unlikely to be pregnant. It's not completely impossible, but it's extremely unlikely.

Before you start having sex, or thinking about having sex, I highly recommend reading a copy of "our bodies, ourselves" or a similar book about your body so that you understand how sex and pregnancy work, and all the possible risks. If you don't know how sex can affect your body, you shouldn't be fooling around with it. Tell your boyfriends and your mothers that too

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#69: You can not get pregnant doing a sixty-nine.

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