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101 Ways You Can’t Get Pregnant

And One Or Two Ways You Actually Can

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#28

Posted on December 26, 2011December 26, 2011 by Elizabeth

You can not get pregnant if you get semen on your hands, wash them thoroughly with soap and water, and then finger yourself.

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Given some of the questions that I get, I want to congratulate the many of you* who have asked me this question for having a solid grasp of good hygiene. Thank you for recognizing that if you get bodily fluids on your hands, you should wash them with soap and water. I applaud you.

Some might say that, right now, I have a low bar for being impressed by people. I say, don’t judge me until you’ve walked a mile in my inbox.

I also say that there has got to be a better way to adopt that metaphor. Read a million in my inbox? Walk a mile in my e-mail? I’ll take suggestions below.


Explanation for why you can’t get pregnant by fingering yourself after washing your hands with soap and water:

Semen is not made out of glue. When you wash it, it comes off. That said, it’s also sticky. If you failed to wash your hands thoroughly enough that a significant amount of semen remained, you’d notice.

*Given how often I get asked this question, I’m kind of amazed I hadn’t written this before now

1 thought on “#28”

  1. Saige says:
    February 13, 2012 at 12:08 pm

    This one made me laugh the most. Just because of your low standards comment. I found this site on reddit and it is being bookmarked as soon as I hit submit

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Disclaimer

This is a humor site, and, although it is educational, it is not intended to replace the advice of a medical professional. Remember, sex has risks. One such risk is pregnancy, another is becoming infected with a sexually transmitted disease. You should thoroughly educate yourself about the possible consequences of having sex before you go out and jump anyone. Remember, no form of contraception is completely foolproof. The only way to be absolutely certain you will not get pregnant is to abstain from vaginal sex... and artificial insemination... and in vitro fertilization... and you get the drift!

I Am Not A Pregnancy Test

Therefore, I will no longer be answering personal "am I pregnant?" questions on this site.

If you post your questions, I may still use them as a resource for posts, but this was always intended as a humor and educational site and not an advice site, so I will no longer be offering personal reassurance.

That having been said, one last piece of advice: If you think you might be pregnant, the best way to find out is to wait until you miss your period and take a pregnancy test.

Alternatively, if you've had vaginal intercourse without contraception in the past 72 hours, you can explore emergency contraception to try and interrupt the possibility of pregnancy. However, if you haven't had vaginal intercourse, you are unlikely to be pregnant. It's not completely impossible, but it's extremely unlikely.

Before you start having sex, or thinking about having sex, I highly recommend reading a copy of "our bodies, ourselves" or a similar book about your body so that you understand how sex and pregnancy work, and all the possible risks. If you don't know how sex can affect your body, you shouldn't be fooling around with it. Tell your boyfriends and your mothers that too

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