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101 Ways You Can’t Get Pregnant

And One Or Two Ways You Actually Can

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Category: General

A Quick Refresher

Posted on April 4, 2012April 4, 2012 by Elizabeth

  Body Fluids That Can NOT Get You Pregnant Saliva Blood Sweat Tears Nasal Secretions Vitreous Humor Bile Cerebral Spinal Fluid Body Fluids That CAN Get You Pregnant Semen What About Urine?: The first, and sometimes second, time a man urinates after he has ejaculated (come), it is possible to find some viable (living) sperm…

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PSA

Posted on October 21, 2011February 28, 2012 by Elizabeth

Giving a man a blow job, or masturbating him to orgasm, does NOT use up his sperm, and it is NOT a form of contraception. If you have sex with him afterwards, he can still get you pregnant.

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Are There Ways To Find Out if I’m Pregnant?

Posted on April 4, 2011August 22, 2022 by Elizabeth

To answer this question, which I receive with some regularity, I have prepared the following two lists:

Ten Ways You CAN NOT Find Out If You’re Pregnant

  1. Ask the Internet
  2. Ask your friends
  3. Ask your parents
  4. Ask a psychic
  5. Wait to see if your period is one or two days late
  6. Pee on a stick (see exception below)
  7. Pee on a rabbit
  8. Do anything else to a rabbit
  9. Flip a coin
  10. Have a Pap smear

Ten Ways You CAN Find Out That You’re Pregnant

  1. Pee on a stick that is a pregnancy test*
  2. Pee in a cup then use your urine for a home pregnancy test
  3. Pee in a cup at a doctor’s office, which they will test for pregnancy
  4. Give blood to your doctor so she can test for pregnancy
  5. Give blood to a nurse so your doctor can test for pregnancy
  6. Give blood to a nurse so she can test for pregnancy
  7. Have a medical emergency, and get tested for pregnancy at the ER
  8. Need an X-Ray and be unable to remember your last period, thus prompting your doctor to test you for pregnancy.
  9. Have an ultrasound when you feel something kicking in your abdomen
  10. Wait to see if a baby pops out of your vagina in approximately 40 weeks

*Note: Read the instructions on the test box. It takes several days/weeks before these tests will be able to determine if an act of unprotected sex has rendered you pregnant. You can not take them the next day. You can, however, take emergency contraception – and you should if you’ve had unprotected sex and do not want to get pregnant.

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Dear Readers

Posted on August 11, 2010February 28, 2012 by Elizabeth

I am not a pregnancy test. Therefore, I will no longer be answering personal “am I pregnant?” questions. I may still use them as a resource for topics for articles on this site, but this was always intended as a humor and educational site and not an advice site. That having been said, one last…

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Happy New Years!

Posted on January 1, 2010December 29, 2009 by Elizabeth

In order to celebrate the New Year, I would like to present you with ten of my favorite search queries that have led people to this blog (leaving their spelling and grammar intact), and my answers to those questions. if sperm is on stomock it can pregent someone? can you get pregnant from going to…

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For every rule, there is an exception…

Posted on October 28, 2009March 29, 2011 by Elizabeth

Apparently if, after a day of starving* yourself right as you’re ovulating, you give your boyfriend oral sex and then almost immediately get stabbed in the abdomen in such a way that the contents of your stomach merge with your uterus before the stomach acid has a chance to kill the sperm … there may…

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PSA: Jumping Jacks Are Not Contraceptives

Posted on October 4, 2009December 29, 2009 by Elizabeth

The Question: “Is it true that you can’t get pregnant if you get up and jump around after sex?” My Answer: No. An Addendum From The Fabulous Erika: Like salmon, sperm are perfectly capable of spawning by swimming upstream. Spelling It Out in Plain English: You can still get pregnant if you jump up and…

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In case you were wondering…

Posted on August 29, 2009August 29, 2009 by Elizabeth

Almost every post on this website is taken directly from a real question from a real young woman who is terrified that she might have become pregnant… and that her life might be over. It’s easy to laugh at the thought that anyone could honestly believe that something like getting sperm on your jeans could…

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Just a thought…

Posted on April 12, 2009August 6, 2009 by Elizabeth

If you don’t have enough time or money to buy condoms so that you can avoid an unplanned pregnancy, then you really don’t have enough time or money to have a child.  Actions have consequences, and there is always another night. If you really want to be intimate with someone and you don’t have the…

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Who We Are

Posted on March 2, 2009March 11, 2009 by Elizabeth

101 Ways You Can’t Get Pregnant is the brainchild of two sex educators – Elizabeth Boskey and Jessica Mesick – who wanted to find a humorous way to address the questions they get every day.  In a few days, after we get up and rolling, we’re going to be sharing with you all the ways…

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Disclaimer

This is a humor site, and, although it is educational, it is not intended to replace the advice of a medical professional. Remember, sex has risks. One such risk is pregnancy, another is becoming infected with a sexually transmitted disease. You should thoroughly educate yourself about the possible consequences of having sex before you go out and jump anyone. Remember, no form of contraception is completely foolproof. The only way to be absolutely certain you will not get pregnant is to abstain from vaginal sex... and artificial insemination... and in vitro fertilization... and you get the drift!

I Am Not A Pregnancy Test

Therefore, I will no longer be answering personal "am I pregnant?" questions on this site.

If you post your questions, I may still use them as a resource for posts, but this was always intended as a humor and educational site and not an advice site, so I will no longer be offering personal reassurance.

That having been said, one last piece of advice: If you think you might be pregnant, the best way to find out is to wait until you miss your period and take a pregnancy test.

Alternatively, if you've had vaginal intercourse without contraception in the past 72 hours, you can explore emergency contraception to try and interrupt the possibility of pregnancy. However, if you haven't had vaginal intercourse, you are unlikely to be pregnant. It's not completely impossible, but it's extremely unlikely.

Before you start having sex, or thinking about having sex, I highly recommend reading a copy of "our bodies, ourselves" or a similar book about your body so that you understand how sex and pregnancy work, and all the possible risks. If you don't know how sex can affect your body, you shouldn't be fooling around with it. Tell your boyfriends and your mothers that too

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