If a man has ejaculated on the floor of a shower, and then you go take a shower and sit on the floor, you’re not going to get pregnant. — Drains are not the Super Sekrit entrance to your vagina. When the semen slowly swirls down the pipes into the sewer system, it does not…
Dear Readers
I am not a pregnancy test. Therefore, I will no longer be answering personal “am I pregnant?” questions. I may still use them as a resource for topics for articles on this site, but this was always intended as a humor and educational site and not an advice site. That having been said, one last…
#23
You can not get pregnant from petting a dog that may or may not have had the misfortune of lying in a bed covered with your brother’s ejaculate*. — You also can not get pregnant petting a cat that may have been covered in semen… or a gerbil… or a fish. Even if you go…
#22
You can not get pregnant if you are wearing underwear and a sanitary napkin, your boyfriend is wearing underwear, and you rub up against each other until he comes in an explosion of unbridled desire. — The presence or absence of a bra has no effect on the probability of a pregnancy… unless it’s a…
#21
You can not get pregnant if a man sticks his tongue inside you… unless he then follows it with his penis. — I feel a strange need to make certain that none of my readers here are planning on having sex with zombies. Sex with zombies can be hazardous for your health, and under no…
#20
You can not get pregnant by setting your clothing on fire. — In fact, have no idea why someone might think you could get pregnant this way. Maybe they’d been watching too much science fiction and were imagining semen infested smoke curling up from a young man’s soiled pants and entering the womb of his…
#19
If you give someone a blow job, make out with him, and then he goes down on you… it will not make you pregnant. — I suppose that if you held the semen in your mouth, passed it to his mouth, and then he tried to spit it up into you like a whale shooting…
#18
You can not get pregnant by dry humping through clothes. – In order for sperm to get anywhere they need moisture and really quite a bit of it. So, is it conceivable that a sperm could make it through four layers of cloth, the folds of the vulva, the vagina, uterus, and fallopian tube to…
#17
You can not get pregnant by making out and rolling around on the floor. — Kissing can cause numerous health problems – the common cold, chapped lips, swine flu, herpes – but there is no way that it can put a bun in your oven. The only buns that get in your body via your…
#16
You can not get pregnant if a guy eats you out. — Unless, perhaps, he ejaculated, took the semen into his mouth, and then spit it into your vagina like a trained seal. Therefore, if you see a guy drinking his own semen and then spitting it out in a fountain across the room you…