You can not get pregnant if a man sticks his tongue inside you… unless he then follows it with his penis.

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I feel a strange need to make certain that none of my readers here are planning on having sex with zombies. Sex with zombies can be hazardous for your health, and under no circumstances should you allow one to store body parts inside your vagina – tongue, penis, kidneys, colon…. nothing

Although storing a zombie’s body parts in your vagina can not make you pregnant, doing so could lead to:

a) All sorts of strange smells.
b) Weird inside-out zombie transformation.
c) False sensations of pregnancy as they continue to move around inside you looking for a comfortable home.

When a zombie approaches you for a romantic date, just say no, then go, and tell someone you trust that the hordes are on their way and it’s time to go for the fire ax.

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_{Explanation for an enthusiastic session of oral pleasuring will not leave you with a bun in the oven}

Mouths do not contain sperm. Therefore, no amount of having a man stick his tongue inside you will cause sperm to end up in your body. Without the joyous chemical reactions that occur when sperm meets egg, somewhat akin to the scientific alchemy that turns dry and wet ingredients into a loaf of bread, there can be no baby. Putting something in your vagina does not make you pregnant. Sperm meeting egg and implanting in your uterus is what makes you pregnant… and for that you need semen.

You can not get pregnant by setting your clothing on fire.

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In fact, have no idea why someone might think you could get pregnant this way. Maybe they’d been watching too much science fiction and were imagining semen infested smoke curling up from a young man’s soiled pants and entering the womb of his lover?

Hmm… if I sold that plot to the right hentai director I bet I could make millions!

_{Explanation for why I’m bringing this up}

Someone asked me if it was possible to get pregnant by pants burning. I suspect they mean dry humping, which we’ve already covered, but I am not completely certain. I suppose someone could think that “hot” sex involves fire…

If you give someone a blow job, make out with him, and then he goes down on you… it will not make you pregnant.

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I suppose that if you held the semen in your mouth, passed it to his mouth, and then he tried to spit it up into you like a whale shooting water from its blowhole, there might be some chance, but…. you’d really have to work at it.

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_{Explanation for why you can not get pregnant from a chain of oral exchange:}

If a guy comes in your mouth, which has its own risks, you will most likely swallow the semen or spit it out. Then, when you kiss him, most of it will be gone already. When he goes down on you, he will have presumably swallowed at least once. There’s not going to be living sperm in his mouth to get inside of you. Even if you passed your semen to his mouth and he swallowed it you’d be fine.

You can not get pregnant by dry humping through clothes.

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In order for sperm to get anywhere they need moisture and really quite a bit of it. So, is it conceivable that a sperm could make it through four layers of cloth, the folds of the vulva, the vagina, uterus, and fallopian tube to fertilize an egg (presuming there is an egg there to be fertilized)? No.

Two layers of cloth? No.

One layer soaked through because y’all have been having a grand time? Possibly. But it’s extremely unlikely.

What you’re also not going to have happen with clothes-on humping is you’re not going to transmit any of the STI’s that can go from skin to skin. Check out the rest of the site and The Talk for more information on the kinds of STI’s and how they can be transmitted.

Be well, and have fun!

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_{In answer to the question: can you get pregnant if you dry hump your partner and have layers of clothing in between the genitals?}

_{Dry humping (also: frottage) is hot, sexy, super safe fun!}

You can not get pregnant by making out and rolling around on the floor.

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Kissing can cause numerous health problems – the common cold, chapped lips, swine flu, herpes – but there is no way that it can put a bun in your oven. The only buns that get in your body via your mouth are the ones that you chew and swallow.

As for rolling around on the floor… unless that’s a euphemism for “having sex,” you should be fine. Just watch out for splinters and stray penises that are trying to penetrate your inner fortress (by which I mean your vagina.)

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_{Explanation for why you can not get pregnant from a really hot make out session:}

_{Making out may be sexual, it may even be “sex” by some people’s definition, but it does not cause sperm to get anywhere near an egg.}

You can not get pregnant if a guy eats you out.

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Unless, perhaps, he ejaculated, took the semen into his mouth, and then spit it into your vagina like a trained seal.

Therefore, if you see a guy drinking his own semen and then spitting it out in a fountain across the room you should strongly consider whether or not you really want to have oral sex with him.

Of course, if you were practicing safe oral sex, this wouldn’t matter, since it would just hit the barrier, bounce, and he could swallow it himself. I don’t know that I’d want to have sex with anyone who practices being a sperm seal in his spare time, but your mileage may vary.

_{Explanation for why you can not get pregnant by being orally pleasured by a person of either gender:}

_{People’s mouths do not contain sperm. Without sperm, there cannot be pregnancy.}

_{In fact, there is no fluid that comes out of man that can get you pregnant except for his semen. There is no fluid that comes out of a woman that can get you pregnant at all.}

You can not get pregnant if a guy goes to the bathroom, comes back, and touches you.

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Even if that guy peed on his own hands and then he returned to rub his urine covered hands all over your hot naked body.

Even if he clasped your hands in his cold clammy fingers, pleaded his undying love for you, and then you went to masturbate furiously without washing your urine-covered hands first.

On a side note… WASH YOUR HANDS, PEOPLE!!!! Hygiene. Basic hygiene. It is your friend.

_{Explanation for why you can not get pregnant by hanging out with guys who need to empty their bladders on a regular basis:}

_{Any sperm that were still in the urethra when he was peeing would be killed by the pee. (Note: This is not true if you’re fooling around, but is true for actual urination. In other words, a man can not go pee to kill the sperm and then come have sex with you and assume you will not get pregnant. Peeing before sex does not make it safe.)}

_{Furthermore, even if they weren’t killed by the pee the sperm has to get inside your vagina. It can not crawl through your skin.}

_{Sperm is, fortunately, not the creature from Alien.}