You can not get pregnant by picking up a condom. — You can grab it with your toes… You can sniff it up with your nose… You can pinch it with your fingers… You can squeeze it like a wringer… But unless you are picking up that condom with your vagina there’s no chance it’s…
#8
You can not get pregnant by getting sperm on your jeans. — Even if those jeans are so tight that elderly women can tell from three blocks away that you’re not wearing underwear. What you actually need to be worried about is getting sperm in your genes… Explanation for why you can not get pregnant…
#7
You can not get pregnant by swimming in a pool where a man has recently ejaculated. — It doesn’t matter how big (or small) the pool is. It doesn’t matter if you’re naked. It doesn’t matter if he ejaculates while swimming right next to you holding you in a fond embrace. The only way you…
#6
You can not get pregnant if, when fooling around with your boyfriend you touch a wet spot on his jeans (that might be semen… or vaginal secretions… or spilled cola…) and then go to the bathroom and use that hand to hold the toilet paper that you wipe yourself with. — For that matter, you…
#5
You can not get pregnant from sitting on sperm. — You can not catch sperm from a chair. You can not catch it from a stair. Unless you sit upon a man* there won’t be sperm inside your can.** Explanation for why you can’t get pregnant from sitting on sperm – and a big thank…
Just a thought…
If you don’t have enough time or money to buy condoms so that you can avoid an unplanned pregnancy, then you really don’t have enough time or money to have a child. Actions have consequences, and there is always another night. If you really want to be intimate with someone and you don’t have the…
#4
You can’t get pregnant if your boyfriend cleans himself up with a tissue after he ejaculates, you pick up that tissue to throw it away, and a few hours later you go to the bathroom and wipe yourself. Not even if, in all that time, you haven’t washed your hands. — For gods sake, though,…
#3
You can not get pregnant from a “facial”* — *A “facial”, in this context, is when a man ejaculates on his partner’s face. That having been said, cucumber salt scrub is also incapable of making a woman pregnant. Plus, you shouldn’t eat it on your salad, no matter how good it smells. Live and learn….
#2
You can not get pregnant from sitting on a toilet seat. — … unless there is a man underneath you on that toilet seat and you are having sex with him – vaginal intercourse, to be precise, where there are no condoms or other forms of birth control in use. Personally, I think there are…
#1
You can not get pregnant if your partner has been using a condom correctly, it doesn’t break, and you’re on the pill. — The sheer impossibility of it is kind of fun to picture. Imagine, if you will, a bunch of sperm banging their fists on the glass window of a really hip (get it?)…